Today was mostly ok, although we had a bit of a meltdown at dinner tonight. My mother really has a negative view of people who are overweight and dislikes herself intensely for being overweight, and she made some comments about being fat at the table and it just really hit us the wrong way. Could she not see that we are extremely overweight and right there in front of her? Anyway, I got upset and even cried a little but I had to hide it because being caught crying even a little would have caused a huge upset that I just was not prepared to deal with. I locked myself up in my room where the computer is and sent an email to L/L detailing all my trials and tribulations and got myself calmed down.
Later on I was able to talk to my sister alone and I told her how it had made me feel and she was really wonderful and sympthetic and gave me lots of hugs all the rest of the evening so that I felt ok and loved. I have no doubt that every single person at the table tonight loves us/me very much, but even people who love you can be clueless. Especially our mother. My sister mentioned later that I could tell mom calmly how it had made me feel, but I pointed out to her that if I brought it up to my mom, it would immediately become all about her and how awful she is and not about me. I have no inclination to listen to her talk about how awful she is and have her cry and blah blah blah. Just not helpful at all, you know? I got the support I needed from my sister and from L/L and that’s good enough for me. In fact it’s perfect.
I do recognize that being down here is just… difficult for us, in all sorts of ways, and it makes us more liable to a meltdown than we might be normally. I am very glad that this visit is such a short one.
Other than that, the day was fine. My sister and I did a little last minute shopping for stocking stuffers, and I bought myself a Saints flag which is a big fleur-de-lis in old gold on a black background, and the whole family watched The Grinch together, and we each opened one present. My nephew really liked the box set of Madeleine L’Engel books I got him, which is nice. I do like gifting people well. I also played a game of Risk with my dad and my nephew. I’d never played it before and I was winning the whole time right up until they ganged up on me and took away Asia. Bastiges. 
We liked Risk so much that I think we’ll be buying a copy to keep at home for when my niece and nephew visit.
So now it’s time to get cleaned up and take our nighttime meds and climb into bed with a book. I have to say overall today was a good day and pretty calm, all things considered. Having my mom trigger us is just par for the course, and if this is the worst it gets then I will consider this a very good trip indeed.
We get home on Thursday afternoon and then we can see L/L Thursday evening and we can both completely decompress at each other! I am really really looking forward to that. They are so good to us.
I hope everyone is have a good holiday!