I haven’t been feeling very blogalicious at all lately and I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because there’s not much going on overall? There is certainly no extraneous drama, and we all know drama makes for good blog posts. There’s always some relationship macaroni going on, but it’s not extraneous. There are always real things that need to be processed and dealt with, especially when you mix in being multiple and having trauma backgrounds and such. Mmm, stew.
I’m getting really good at choosing my battles and having perspective about what’s important and what’s not. I realized the other day while talking to T that I react differently to things now, certainly different from what people might consider normal. T and I get along fine and like each other very much, but she definitely doesn’t get some of my choices and the things I do and/or don’t get upset about. I find it interesting because just a few years ago I was solidly in T’s court in many ways. All that’s changed though.
I think my approach to the world has simultaneously become more easygoing and more solidified.
Anyway. On the everyday front things are going ok. The condo is lovely and I’ve had my oven and my toilets repaired so there’s nothing left to fix. Eventually I’ll want new miniblinds and curtains and to have the place painted, but that can wait for my bonus next year (assuming I get one, stupid recession). I’m getting yet more responsibility at work (although I don’t want it), and I have some nice trips planned for the near future - Boston/Connecticut in September, Baton Rouge in October, and Lea coming for a weekend in October, too. The kitties are fine, although I’m starting to wonder if Boodle’s kidneys are going. She drinks an awful lot of water and performs these truly monstrous pees that go on for ages. It’s really quite impressive, although a little worrisome too.
We’re feeling really… settled, I guess is a good word for it. We own this little chunk of square footage and it’s ours and it’s safe and we love it. I think overall we’re content, and that’s a huge thing given some of the terrors and stresses of previous years.
I have to say that the configuration my life has taken was not what I had envisioned for myself. In high school, in my little group of friends, I was voted the one most likely to get married and have a station wagon full of children and a white picket fence. That didn’t happen, obviously. Here I am approaching middle-age (if you count the 40s and 50s as middle-aged), and I have none of those things. I am a cat lady and a hardworking employee and a good friend (at least I try to be) and I read voraciously and keep my ducks in a row and have laughing fits with my sister and talk to my many friends and acquaintances around the world and I’m getting a little set in my ways, too, from being alone so much.
I can think of far worse fates. Far, far worse. I lived through some of them and came out the other side and didn’t let them take away all my joy. Some of it, yes, but not all. I’ve carved out my niche and I’m content in it. It’s not what I envisioned, but it’s not bad.
I think there are a lot of people who can’t say that.