Eight Lives Left

And third chances and fourth chances.

This comes up because someone that I have had more than one wrangle with in the past (sometimes directly, sometimes indirectly), just told me I was a treasure. My response was “I didn’t used to be, but I got better.” I was thinking in particular of all the mad dramaz that happened around DP and certain systems a couple of years ago (has it really been that long? wow). I know I behaved badly in a lot of ways and I’m not proud of it. I am, however, proud that I managed to step away and stay far from drama of that type ever since. I learned, I think, how who you associate with can affect you, and how to choose more wisely. Things have been good since then. The depression is gone, I’ve gotten multiple bonuses and raises at work, I’m about to finish my second master’s degree, and I have a small but incredibly wonderful group of friends. It’s been a very productive two years, and I think in part it’s because I grew up a lot.

I am really really pleased with my life just now.

And I’m very grateful that so many good people gave me the second and third and fourth chances I needed.

You never do know what’s going to come up, eh? We stopped therapy last, um, April or so, but I’m thinking it might be time to go back for a while. It’s hard when people can’t hear each other. Sometimes you just have to let it go and batten down the hatches until the storm blows over.

Speaking of which, I surely do wish we would get some snow here. Stupid climate change.

Sometimes you just can’t know what people are going to do. I think it’s going to be a long night. Yay for meltdowns! or not.

La la la.

We’ve always tested as an INFJ, except for one fluke when we tested as an INFP. After reading both descriptions, though, and having L/L read both, we agree that INFJ is the most accurate.

The Protector

As an INFJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in primarily via intuition. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit with your personal value system.

INFJs are gentle, caring, complex and highly intuitive individuals. Artistic and creative, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. Only one percent of the population has an INFJ Personality Type, making it the most rare of all the types.

INFJs place great importance on havings things orderly and systematic in their outer world. They put a lot of energy into identifying the best system for getting things done, and constantly define and re-define the priorities in their lives. On the other hand, INFJs operate within themselves on an intuitive basis which is entirely spontaneous. They know things intuitively, without being able to pinpoint why, and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand. They are usually right, and they usually know it. Consequently, INFJs put a tremendous amount of faith into their instincts and intuitions. This is something of a conflict between the inner and outer worlds, and may result in the INFJ not being as organized as other Judging types tend to be. Or we may see some signs of disarray in an otherwise orderly tendency, such as a consistently messy desk.

INFJs have uncanny insight into people and situations. They get “feelings” about things and intuitively understand them. As an extreme example, some INFJs report experiences of a psychic nature, such as getting strong feelings about there being a problem with a loved one, and discovering later that they were in a car accident. This is the sort of thing that other types may scorn and scoff at, and the INFJ themself does not really understand their intuition at a level which can be verbalized. Consequently, most INFJs are protective of their inner selves, sharing only what they choose to share when they choose to share it. They are deep, complex individuals, who are quite private and typically difficult to understand. INFJs hold back part of themselves, and can be secretive.

But the INFJ is as genuinely warm as they are complex. INFJs hold a special place in the heart of people who they are close to, who are able to see their special gifts and depth of caring. INFJs are concerned for people’s feelings, and try to be gentle to avoid hurting anyone. They are very sensitive to conflict, and cannot tolerate it very well. Situations which are charged with conflict may drive the normally peaceful INFJ into a state of agitation or charged anger. They may tend to internalize conflict into their bodies, and experience health problems when under a lot of stress.

Because the INFJ has such strong intuitive capabilities, they trust their own instincts above all else. This may result in an INFJ stubborness and tendency to ignore other people’s opinions. They believe that they’re right. On the other hand, INFJ is a perfectionist who doubts that they are living up to their full potential. INFJs are rarely at complete peace with themselves - there’s always something else they should be doing to improve themselves and the world around them. They believe in constant growth, and don’t often take time to revel in their accomplishments. They have strong value systems, and need to live their lives in accordance with what they feel is right. In deference to the Feeling aspect of their personalities, INFJs are in some ways gentle and easy going. Conversely, they have very high expectations of themselves, and frequently of their families. They don’t believe in compromising their ideals.

INFJ is a natural nurturer; patient, devoted and protective. They make loving parents and usually have strong bonds with their offspring. They have high expectations of their children, and push them to be the best that they can be. This can sometimes manifest itself in the INFJ being hard-nosed and stubborn. But generally, children of an INFJ get devoted and sincere parental guidance, combined with deep caring.

In the workplace, the INFJ usually shows up in areas where they can be creative and somewhat independent. They have a natural affinity for art, and many excel in the sciences, where they make use of their intuition. INFJs can also be found in service-oriented professions. They are not good at dealing with minutia or very detailed tasks. The INFJ will either avoid such things, or else go to the other extreme and become enveloped in the details to the extent that they can no longer see the big picture. An INFJ who has gone the route of becoming meticulous about details may be highly critical of other individuals who are not.

The INFJ individual is gifted in ways that other types are not. Life is not necessarily easy for the INFJ, but they are capable of great depth of feeling and personal achievement.

Jungian functional preference ordering:

Dominant: Introverted Intuition
Auxilliary: Extraverted Feeling
Tertiary: Introverted Thinking
Inferior: Extraverted Sensing

[via]

More than you ever wanted to know beneath the cut:

(more…)

I discovered the Escape Abuse blog through a friend’s journal. I went to check it out, and the first article I came across hit so close to home that I’m sitting here sort of flabbergasted. It describes pretty exactly some of the interactions I’ve had with people in the past, and my confusion at how thoroughly everything became entirely my fault. (Mind you, I’m not saying I was perfect, because I most assuredly was not, but I don’t believe that 100% of the blame ever belongs to just one person in a relationship, especially when it becomes rocky.)

This line in particular caught my attention:

Naive objects of such processes frequently don’t know what has hit them. They tend to get distracted by the grains of truth in their accusers’ version of their contribution to a problem, and they can easily buy into the characterization of an issue as embodying their own difficulties to the exclusion of those of the other.

I read that and had one of those aha! moments that don’t happen nearly enough. I try very hard to admit to my faults as a general rule. If I feel attacked or pushed into a corner, though, then I tend to lock down and not give anything at all. I am willing (or I try to be willing) to look at myself from someone else’s point-of-view and fix what isn’t right, IF I’m treated with respect in the process. I think L/L can attest to this facet of my personality (in the past six years there’ve been a number of rocky times and we’ve successfully navigated them all). The drama of 2005, however, was an exercise in accusation and vitriol. There was no respect left on either side at the end, which was both sad and surprising. I had thought there was real love and affection and, yes, respect there, and it turned out there wasn’t, or not enough.

That’s all very old news now, though, and so I’m not going to spend too much more time thinking about it. What’s done is done and all I can do is attempt to avoid those sorts of situations in the future. I’m definitely getting better at it. Compared to two or three years ago, my drama quotient has dropped through the floor. I consider that positive. Drama isn’t conducive to anything except co-dependent relationships and more drama.

Onwards and upwards should be my tagline now.

I’m linking to the Escape Abuse blog in my sidebar. I think it’s going to be a good resource.