Eight Lives Left

Today I’m hanging out with T. I’m going to make sure her computer is secure (she has no firewall!!!), and we’ll have lunch and go see a movie and then have pedicures. It’s so girly!

We overslept, though, because for some reason the alarm didn’t go off. Gragh. Must rush!

I’m thinking about joining Weight Watchers. I’m definitely going to start keeping a food journal, or at least try.

I haven’t been feeling very blogalicious at all lately and I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because there’s not much going on overall? There is certainly no extraneous drama, and we all know drama makes for good blog posts. There’s always some relationship macaroni going on, but it’s not extraneous. There are always real things that need to be processed and dealt with, especially when you mix in being multiple and having trauma backgrounds and such. Mmm, stew.

I’m getting really good at choosing my battles and having perspective about what’s important and what’s not. I realized the other day while talking to T that I react differently to things now, certainly different from what people might consider normal. T and I get along fine and like each other very much, but she definitely doesn’t get some of my choices and the things I do and/or don’t get upset about. I find it interesting because just a few years ago I was solidly in T’s court in many ways. All that’s changed though.

I think my approach to the world has simultaneously become more easygoing and more solidified.

Anyway. On the everyday front things are going ok. The condo is lovely and I’ve had my oven and my toilets repaired so there’s nothing left to fix. Eventually I’ll want new miniblinds and curtains and to have the place painted, but that can wait for my bonus next year (assuming I get one, stupid recession). I’m getting yet more responsibility at work (although I don’t want it), and I have some nice trips planned for the near future - Boston/Connecticut in September, Baton Rouge in October, and Lea coming for a weekend in October, too. The kitties are fine, although I’m starting to wonder if Boodle’s kidneys are going. She drinks an awful lot of water and performs these truly monstrous pees that go on for ages. It’s really quite impressive, although a little worrisome too.

We’re feeling really… settled, I guess is a good word for it. We own this little chunk of square footage and it’s ours and it’s safe and we love it. I think overall we’re content, and that’s a huge thing given some of the terrors and stresses of previous years.

I have to say that the configuration my life has taken was not what I had envisioned for myself. In high school, in my little group of friends, I was voted the one most likely to get married and have a station wagon full of children and a white picket fence. That didn’t happen, obviously. Here I am approaching middle-age (if you count the 40s and 50s as middle-aged), and I have none of those things. I am a cat lady and a hardworking employee and a good friend (at least I try to be) and I read voraciously and keep my ducks in a row and have laughing fits with my sister and talk to my many friends and acquaintances around the world and I’m getting a little set in my ways, too, from being alone so much.

I can think of far worse fates. Far, far worse. I lived through some of them and came out the other side and didn’t let them take away all my joy. Some of it, yes, but not all. I’ve carved out my niche and I’m content in it. It’s not what I envisioned, but it’s not bad.

I think there are a lot of people who can’t say that.

I have had a bit of a grumpy week and I’m not sure why. There’s not anything in particular for me to be grumpy about, which makes me wonder if it’s hormones or something like that. I do still have my ovaries which means I still have a cycle, but I have no idea when that cycle is. I never did suffer from much PMS and now that we don’t have periods it’s impossible to figure out what my body is doing when. Or why. All I know is I’m grumpy and out of sorts and I can’t pin it on anything (or anyone).

Grump, grump, grump. Maybe I need a vacation!

I’ve finally updated the Books and Movies for 2008. My descent into the True Crime genre is sadly evident.

I checked my cafeteria plan for medical expenses and discovered to my horror that I’ve got over 1k left in the account. That has never happened to me before. Usually by this time of year I’ve run through the $1500 I set aside for medical stuff. I guess we’ve been healthier than usual this year! (Well, and also we aren’t going to the therapist anymore and we only see our psychiatrist every three or four months.)

Consequently, I have been frantically finding ways to spend that money, because if it’s not gone by the end of the year then the gov’t gets the leftovers. I made an eye appointment for Saturday which is something I’d been meaning to do anyway because I think our prescription is a little off. I imagine I can spend a good three to four hundred dollars on new glasses and prescription sunglasses.

I also scheduled an appointment with our new dentist. We fired the old one for being a moneygrubbing dickwad and haven’t seen the new one yet. I hope the new one isn’t a pain in the ass.

Then I made an appointment for our psychiatrist because we do need meds, and it’s another way to use up $100 or so.

Last but not least, I dug up the paperwork for the Vanderbilt Autonomic Dysfunction Center and started to fill out the questionnaire. This requires an appointment with my cardiologist to get the paperwork about my non-functioning autonomic nervous system and a series of blood pressure recordings in various positions. I might have to see my neurologist as well, although I’m not entirely sure about that yet.

Once it’s all filled out I’ll send it on to Vanderbilt and we’ll see if I either 1) qualify for one of their research studies, or 2) they want to see me just as a patient to figure out what’s going on with me. Or, I suppose, 3) don’t want to see me at all, is also possible. We’ll find out. My choices were Iowa, Ohio or Tennessee. I continue to find it incredibly odd that none of the universities on the East Coast have any sort of autonomic disorder clinics.

I wonder if my cafeteria plan will let me use the money for plane tickets to Nashville. Probably not.